We often here the term Helicopter Moms which basically describes a style of parenting that parents are doing everything and anything for their children. Personally, I think it doesn't come from a bad place for some its wanting to give their children things and time that they never got from their parents. For others, it may be from fear and simply wanting to keep our kids safe from the world around us. I think if possible I am cross between Free Range and Helicopter if that is even possible (hahaha).
I often reflect back to myself as a child and I grew up as a latch kid key. I was in the first grade when I started to walk home from school with my brother who was in third grade. We had our own set of keys because both our parents worked. Yes, does part of me wish I had my mom waiting for me outside of school at times sure, I w
ould be lying if I said no. However, with that being said I truly believe that having working parents and being a latch kid key made me resilient. I had no choice but to become responsible for myself at a very young age. I didn’t have anyone home helping me with homework or organizing my day. I had to do it myself and learned early on how to organize my time at home so that I could get homework done and still have time to play. In today’s world we structure every minute of our children’s time and fill every second with activities that we as parents organize. It’s also a controversial thing to leave your kids home alone or send them to the park alone. I sway back and forth on this one I am sure my upbringing has a lot to do with it. I too like other parents have fears and want to keep my children safe. I can recall the first time my daughter who was 7 years old at the time asked me to ride her bike around the block by herself. There was a part of me that wanted to say “No” but a little voice inside my head said “you can’t hold her back from growing and learning how to navigate in this world on her own”, so I let
her go. I sat in front of my house with my heart racing but I knew it was for the greater good and the confidence and experience she would gain was so worth it. When I saw her coming around I smiled and reminded myself how much I learned by doing things on my own when I was her age.
Life experience is the best gift we can give ourselves and our children. I share this with you not as who’s doing it wrong or right but as a reflection of what we can do to help our children grow into the responsible adults we want them to be. I have read many articles that speak about kids in high school or college that don't have a clue about being responsible for themselves. I even know parents who write their children’s college applications and essays and then we hear that these upcoming generations are having a harder time finding and keeping jobs. I question why is that, what can we do differently to help our children now before they get to this point that responsibility becomes so overwhe
lming to them.
We need to reflect back to the past where children were given more responsibilities and expected to help out in their homes. Thinking back to those times it was normal to see young kids in the laundromat doing their families laundry or in the supermarket picking up some groceries that their family needs. Sadly, if we saw a a child even about 9 years old in the market picking up milk for their mom we would all think they are being neglected and someone would probably call CPS on the family. I told you earlier that I am a cross between free range parenting and helicoptering. I think its a battle I go through in my head trying to figure out how to foster responsibility, independence, confidence in my children while they are out in the world. When I was 8 years old I would ride the elevated train to my mom’s job
a few train stops away. I knew how to buy a token and where to get off. I can recall feeling scared once or twice when a strange man would be starring at me but I gained real life skills that helped me. I would have never been able to learn those things without experiencing them on my own. I know some of you are going to ask me if I would let my daughter ride the train now and the answer is no. I don't think she is ready to do so.
This brings me back to the story
of her riding her bike around the block. She asked me to do it. It made me realize even though I honestly was afraid I thought somewhere inside of her she is ready for this. She wouldn't ask me if she wasn't and I of course gave her 100 rules she had to follow while she went around the block. So, now I ask you how will you answer when your child ask you to do something on their own. Will you allow them to go and learn how to spread their wings or will your fear of the million “What if’s “ hold you back and in turn hold them from becoming responsible for themselves. While you are reflecting on this, I invite you to fast forward for a bit and think if your child is 8 now, in ten short years they will be going off to college. Many of them will be going out of state and for
most of them this will be their first experience of being on their own. Don't you think we should start teaching them from now how to navigate through some of life’s challenges that will more than likely come up. Most people I know don't even let their children go to the rest room alone in a restaurant for fear that someone will harm them in the bathroom. Sometimes, depending on where we are I am one of those parents but I do my best to not let the fear of the “ What if’s” consume me.
I am still cautious but now I give my kids the freedom to grow and learn from their own mistakes and choices. I am always with them to gently guide them and hopefully be the voice in their head that directs to make the best decisions.Take the time to reflect where can you give your kids more freedom so they can go, grow and learn. Give them their wings now so they will be ready to conquer the world instead of be overwhelmed by it. the best way I can hopefully one you up to allowing the growth is to think about this. How do you teach someone to ride a bicycle? You can tell them what they need to do but the only way they learn is to actually get on the bike and do it.
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